Friday, February 17, 2017

Ham, Cheese, and Wry

These gnarly film horrors are three
From snarling Pete Lorre you'll flee
While Bela Lugosi
With hell-spawn gets cozy
Boris Karloff will pour you some tea. 

Bela Lugosi, Peter Lorre, and Boris Karloff have fun in You'll Find Out (David Butler; 1940). Title sandwich by Donald B. Benson.

Thursday, February 16, 2017

The Exception That Proves the Ghoul

Peter's loose-lipped and swilling, quite tight
Bela's sluiced to the gills every night
Amid drink strong and heady
One stinker stays steady
No abuse of distiller's delight.

David Cairns

Peter Lorre, Bela Lugosi, and Boris Karloff have fun in the otherwise forgettable You'll Find Out (David Butler; 1940).

Wednesday, February 15, 2017

Donald Schmuck

D. Trump is a new kind of bad
He tweets his opponents are "sad"
He wins yet he's sore,
Thin-skinned, and, what's more
The creep is a indebted to Vlad.

Art by Brent Engstrom for Topps! Here's his blog.

From Beer to Eternity

Once burned by a little ol' cross
You adjourned to start hitting the sauce
As the former king vamp,   
Now performing in camp,
You've learned to submit to such dross.

Top: Edward Van Sloan and Bela Lugosi in Dracula (Tod Browning; 1931). Above: Bela Lugosi and Ian Wilson in Mother Riley Meets the Vampire, also known as Vampire Over London and My Son the Vampire (John Gilling; 1952).

Tuesday, February 14, 2017

Boarder Incident

This bat wants to crash in your cellar
He's natty, his fashion sense stellar
But he'll do things perverse
To your beautiful nurse
For a rat he's a passionate feller.

Dr. Edelmann (Onslow Stevens) is visited by Baron Latos, aka Count Dracula (John Carradine): House of Dracula (Erle C. Kenton; 1945).

Monday, February 13, 2017

Wringing the Bela

Half-shot, you've been losing plum roles.
Your lot? Playing peasants and proles.
No crown for the Count,
Now down for the count.
Ask not for whom, Bela, it tolls.

Donald B. Benson

In The Wolf Man (George Waggner; 1941), Lon Chaney Jr plays the title monster; In a supporting role, Bela Lugosi plays Bela the gypsy.

Friday, February 10, 2017

Bela Lugosi's Red

He'll select neither Zin nor Merlot
Will say "Blecch!" to a winning Bordeaux
Eschew juice of the grape
But cut loose on the nape
From the neck Bela's dinner doth flow.

Bela Lugosi goes for the throat of Helen Chandler in Dracula (Tod Browning, 1931).

Thursday, February 9, 2017

Meet Coot

It's a shame your acclaim took a beating
But then, fame is a dame that is fleeting
Wags exclaim "He's a wrap!"
As your name adorns crap
Who can blame those who came to this 'meeting'?

No, Bela Lugosi doesn't play Bela Lugosi in Bela Lugosi Meets a Brooklyn Gorilla (William Beaudine; 1952). His character's name is Dr Zabor.

Wednesday, February 8, 2017

Days of Wine and Bozos

The Bela that we know was scary
Till forced by the vino to tarry
With clowns Bud and Lou,
Mother Riley (It's true!),
And finally fake Dino and Jerry.

Donald B. Benson

Top: Bela Lugosi and Arthur Lucan (Mother Riley) in Mother Riley Meets the Vampires (1952). Above: Poster for Bela Lugosi Meets a Brooklyn Gorilla (William Beaudine; 1952), co-starring nightclub comedians Duke Mitchell and Sammy Petrillo in roles approximating the then popular duo of Dean Martin and Jerry Lewis.

Tuesday, February 7, 2017

Bela Lugosi Meets Bela Lugosi

Enthused, full of lust, almost drooling,
You used to bring gusto to ghouling
But you landed in traction
And abandoned all action
Now abusing, it's just too damn grueling.

Bela Lugosi contemplates his career trajectory in Bela Lugosi Meets a Brooklyn Gorilla (William Beaudine; 1952). For many years, Lugosi had been receiving treatment for sciatic neuritis, and eventually he became addicted to morphine and methadone.

Monday, February 6, 2017


This werewolf is soggy and stinking
Not scary, just groggy and blinking
There's a reason he's bleary
And queasy, not eerie
It's the hair of the dog he's been drinking.

David Cairns

Lon Chaney Jr. as tormented Larry Talbot, The Wolf Man (George Waggner, 1941).

Friday, February 3, 2017

Wino Where I'm Goring

"I never drink wine," says Count Drac
But he revels in pints for a snack
At a gash in your throat
He will gnash, slurp and gloat
A beverage fine as cognac.

David Cairns

Bela Lugosi is Dracula (Tod Browning, 1931).

Thursday, February 2, 2017

Damp Vamp

No pallor: his cheeks are quite ruddy
But gallons of leaks red and bloody
Didn't get Bela pickled
The wetness that trickled
Was formaldehyde, reeking and cruddy.

David Cairns

Ed Wood stock company members Vampira (Maila Nurmi) and Bela Lugosi guest star on The Red Skelton Show. June 15, 1954.